Notes to myself 19

Hmmm....

So I usually know within two months where it is going. I am not the kind to stall too much. If it is taking longer than that, then it could mean
a) balls need to be grown 

b) comfortable where it is right now, not gonna do anything about it. 

c) am not that attracted.

d) I will milk it as much as I can till I find something better. 

This is my rule of thumb. 

And yes, it gets complicated the minute "where is this going?" or "why hasn't it happened yet?" comes into the head. 

I would have gone for it by now, if I really really wanted to. I won't think too much about the shadows of yesterday or the shape of tomorrow.
And I did too, long ago. 

And got myself a keeper, too, you know?

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I really need to learn to be clear and precise when I write. 

I am learning though, slowly.
The hard way.
I learnt today that "to begin with" is not the same as "in the beginning" and they could be interpreted in vastly different ways. 

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I have been meeting quite a few people these days.
And I found a strange commonality in these people.
People seek out comfort zones and get into them easily.
We always want simple things in life. A work that we like or don't mind too much, decent salary, a house as close to work as possible, vegetables and provision stores close to that house, a few friends at work, a few friends outside, few living nearby, weekend outings, long walks, healthy food, movies, dinner, sleep, a boyfriend/girlfriend without any complications, maybe a long distance relationship, a place to call home that we visit once in a while and long for at other times, a mother and a father who will be around for very very long and not fall sick too often, a mother and father who we don't want to be like but secretly admit to be otherwise, a hobby or a sport to follow, a belief system to fall back on whenever in doubt, a party or a function to attend once in a while, a little celebration, a comfortable bed and a cozy pillow, a good loo where we get to be ourselves for a few minutes every day, lots of  happy memories of school and college life, a few sad ones thrown in to make the happy ones seem happier, a few books to read and some time for ourselves to do all the nothing that we want to do. 

I want these things too, sometimes. 

But I want more.

Lots more.


I don't want a comfort zone.
Not yet.

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The best part about having fantastic realizations or coming up with theories is the certainty that we get with it. And the little voice at the back of the head that says, "ha, you fool" that we choose to ignore but remember later on and laugh about. 

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I have a little piece of goodnight with me.
It's came in the mail this evening, in the form of "Congratulations, your program has qualified to the next round of our business plan contest.", one that I applied to in a hurry, typing furiously with tear-blurred vision... 

Thank god for small mercies eh?

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And another round of indulgence.


Black Hole - Charles Burns

Zot! - Scott McCloud

Lucky - Gabrielle Bell

Louis Riel - Chester Brown

Abandon the Old in Tokyo - Yoshihiro Tatsumi

At 199 a piece.


Ohhh, Somebody Stop Me!

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A Retrospective, from Illusions, Illustrated.

This was a poem I had found long ago and posted in my first blog on Thursday, August 21st, 2008.

I read it again recently and I thought, hey, why not end with a little taunt. - :-)

'It's raining in love'

I don't know what it is,
but I distrust myself
when I start to like a girl
a lot.

It makes me nervous.
I don't say the right things
or perhaps I start
to examine,
evaluate,
compute
what I am saying.

If I say, "Do you think it's going to rain?"
and she says, "I don't know,"
I start thinking: Does she really like me?

In other words
I get a little creepy.

A friend of mine once said,
"It's twenty times better to be friends
with someone
than it is to be in love with them."

I think he's right and besides,
it's raining somewhere, programming flowers
and keeping snails happy.
That's all taken care of.

BUT

if a girl likes me a lot
and starts getting real nervous
and suddenly begins asking me funny questions
and looks sad if I give the wrong answers
and she says things like,
"Do you think it's going to rain?"
and I say, "It beats me,"
and she says, "Oh,"
and looks a little sad
at the clear blue California sky,
I think: Thank God, it's you, baby, this time
instead of me.

-- Richard Brautigan