I come here to write something very insightful and the thought simply slips away.
I am lost in a collage of words that flood my thoughts and leave me gasping.
I want to say something that I realised last night. It had a lot to do with this particular person who I thought I knew very well until I was hit by a curve ball out of the blue.
Ah yes. I think I nailed it.
It's boredom.
I suppose that is what happened with us. Law of diminishing returns. There were more interesting challenges elsewhere. At work, at after work conversations, at late night drinking sessions, after a few puffs of that green thing, there was a need to be present and observant and fully immersed. Because it was new, because it was exciting, because it was important for selfish reasons. It was either that or coming back home to the same old gruel and cold potatoes and that hard bed filled with bugs and covered with dirty sheets.
It was once a new home, full of promise and excitement. We just got used to it pretty fast.
The other thing is the need to be constantly surprised. I would blame it on the times we live in. It's all about rushing through life, meeting deadlines, working hard, rushing out of work, partying hard, getting exhausted and going to sleep. And waking up and rushing headlong into the routine. In all this rush, where do we have time to be ourselves? we only have time to watch the latest fad on youtube, or read the latest post that went viral on facebook.
I suppose I wasn't ready or qualified enough to compete with the likes of youtube and marijuana and the giant world of gossip. And I am not good at competing with anyone other than myself.
And I surely didn't have the time. Because I am a part of this mad rush too, you know?
It wasn't a conscious choice. It simply happened the way monsoons happen. The way the Sun goes down. On its own. Unnoticed.
The question that used to puzzle me was "at what point did i stop trying to please you?". And I suppose the answer to that is two fold. I stopped trying hard. And there were others who were out to please you more.
I am reminded of this scene from Crazy Stupid Love (2011).
haha, yeah trust me to relate every goodamn scene from every goddamn movie to whats happening in life.
It so nicely captures that feeling of helplessness when you just watch something slip out of your hands unable to really do anything about it.
It leaves you with nothing to do except to rant day after day and feel sorry for yourself.
But hey,
One Life.
Shit Happens.
This too Shall Pass.
I am lost in a collage of words that flood my thoughts and leave me gasping.
I want to say something that I realised last night. It had a lot to do with this particular person who I thought I knew very well until I was hit by a curve ball out of the blue.
Ah yes. I think I nailed it.
It's boredom.
I suppose that is what happened with us. Law of diminishing returns. There were more interesting challenges elsewhere. At work, at after work conversations, at late night drinking sessions, after a few puffs of that green thing, there was a need to be present and observant and fully immersed. Because it was new, because it was exciting, because it was important for selfish reasons. It was either that or coming back home to the same old gruel and cold potatoes and that hard bed filled with bugs and covered with dirty sheets.
It was once a new home, full of promise and excitement. We just got used to it pretty fast.
The other thing is the need to be constantly surprised. I would blame it on the times we live in. It's all about rushing through life, meeting deadlines, working hard, rushing out of work, partying hard, getting exhausted and going to sleep. And waking up and rushing headlong into the routine. In all this rush, where do we have time to be ourselves? we only have time to watch the latest fad on youtube, or read the latest post that went viral on facebook.
I suppose I wasn't ready or qualified enough to compete with the likes of youtube and marijuana and the giant world of gossip. And I am not good at competing with anyone other than myself.
And I surely didn't have the time. Because I am a part of this mad rush too, you know?
It wasn't a conscious choice. It simply happened the way monsoons happen. The way the Sun goes down. On its own. Unnoticed.
The question that used to puzzle me was "at what point did i stop trying to please you?". And I suppose the answer to that is two fold. I stopped trying hard. And there were others who were out to please you more.
I am reminded of this scene from Crazy Stupid Love (2011).
haha, yeah trust me to relate every goodamn scene from every goddamn movie to whats happening in life.
Steve Carell - I miss you Em. I made an effort when we were younger, didn't I? I mean, miniature golf and dancing. You were such a great dancer.
Julianne Moore - I had to be. You were such a good miniature golfer.
Steve Carell -I just, I don't know, I guess I got lazy. I got boring, is what I got.
Julianne Moore - No. No.
Steve Carell - And I'm so mad at you. I'm really mad at you for what you did. But I'm mad at myself too. Because I should not have jumped out of that car. I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soulmates.
It so nicely captures that feeling of helplessness when you just watch something slip out of your hands unable to really do anything about it.
It leaves you with nothing to do except to rant day after day and feel sorry for yourself.
But hey,
One Life.
Shit Happens.
This too Shall Pass.
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