notes to myself 12

I got back this morning.
And as my foot touched the floor in Chennai Central, I was hit by an overwhelming sense of reality.

Kotagiri was almost dream-like. I was surrounded by wonderful children, full of love and affection.
I stood on a terrace and watch the clouds float past the most breathtaking view I have ever had the chance to set eyes on.

Four days of no pressure. no worries. and surprisingly no tears.

And then I got back to Chennai.

I was reminded of everything I had left behind the minute I got out of the station.

A drop of tear rolled down my face.

I felt feverish. 

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I came home and slept, fitfully between dreams. 

In the one I remember, I was sitting in a theatre where they were showing a live football match. I think Barcelona was playing. And Arjun was sitting next to me. We were sitting right up front. And I get up to go to the restroom and I walk all the way back and I see her in the theatre. She is sitting and watching the match too. She has a nice bag in her lap.

I freeze. She doesn't see me. I run back to my seat, feeling strange and confused. I keep looking back. I compose myself and decide to go back for her. I walk up to the row where I saw her and she isn't there any more.

I get scared. I search frantically. I can only see a few people from the Kotagiri trip sitting in the next row. And they don't seem to recognize me. 

I woke up in a panic. 

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I sent a mail from futureme.org.

I am confident. I have hope. 

I am ready. 

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