Saturday, October 15, 2011

notes to myself 13

Seems like everyone around me is offering the same solution to my predicament. 

WORK

YOUR
ASS

OFF


And that seems to be the only sensible thing to do. 


And today, Vgoo said, "you can choose today to not have a social life and work long hours. You are at a point where you can decide and do it. I mean, if you have nothing better to do, why not just keep working?"


Which is what he does.
Which is what songi does. 

Which is what Ashwin does.

Which is what my prof does. 



Which is what I need to do too. 


I have been living fairly luxuriously, working 8-9 hours a day, 5 days a week and taking the day off on festivals, national holidays, common colds, headaches, heartaches etc. 


I have spent way too much time thinking about issues in life, brooding on it, wallowing in self pity, remorse, guilt, depression etc. 


I have a year ahead where my company depends solely on me and my performance. I can make it big or not. I can prove myself or not. I can make lots of money or not. I can be successful or not.
It is entirely in my hands. 




It is a good feeling to know that I have a shot and just one shot to make a difference.



I am going for it.
----------------------------------


I think one of the most sensible things I did in life was surrounding myself with lots of level headed, sober people. I am so glad that I have people who offer me sanity when I need it instead of alcohol or weed. (Sure, these people can get me that too. And they have when I have needed that.) 
It is a great feeling to know that I have people with me who are extremely focused in life, who are aware of what they really want and are working towards it, day in and day out. 

There are no pretenses at all. These people aren't saying they want to get somewhere in life while wasting away with intoxicants and idiots. Sure, they have their share of fun. Unlike me, they fix a time and place for fun and don't mix the two. 



I am thankful to them for being there for me. 


I used to be like that at one point. 


I think I will get there soon. 
--------------------------------------


I think I had regressed a lot in the last two months. In thoughts and in action. I had spoken and written stuff that I would not have as my normal self. 


I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. 
I am sorry for stooping to all time lows while speculating about your personal lives. 
I am sorry for misinterpreting your genuine concern as judgmental talk. 
And most of all, I am sorry for my jealousy and envy and pride. 


I said and wrote a lot of things when I was off balance, tottering, struggling to regain my balance after the carpet was yanked off from under me. I am sorry for everything that happened.


I really am. 


I think I have regained my senses. 
And you will not find me ranting too much anymore.

The drama is over. For now. 

-----------------------------------


It's going to be called Multi Story Pvt Ltd. 


And it is going to be my show. 



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