How are you, my pretty one?
Is sunday treating you well, my love?
Last night at around 12-30 it started raining pretty heavily. I hope you were safely indoors and enjoying the rains from a distance. I couldn't sleep too well for a long time. The flashes of lightning and the whiplash of thunder kept me awake. I was worried for all those on the road, getting back home after saturday night's party. I was worried you might have got stuck in the rains like the last time. And most of all, i was worried about myself.
A brilliant flash of lightning showed a reflection of me cowering under my sheets, afraid of the wrath of nature, the fury of the winds. I realised I am not a strong person. I am not brave enough to tread new waters all by myself. I realised that I am not going to become the great person that I wish to be simply because I lack what it takes to get there. The conviction. And faith in myself. I don't have it.
In fact I think I am the kind of person who is very comfortable in his mediocrity. I am more than happy to be jealous of the gifted, more than satisfied in being "sour-grapes" about the risk takers.
And that puts me in a strange situation. Now that I have realised I don't like challenges, and I don't have faith in myself, I am not sure what I want to do with my life anymore. It has lost its charm.
I am going thru things with a sense of detachment, especially work, with a single minded purpose to keep myself occupied and ofcourse make some money in the process.
Thats what hit me last night in the rain. And thats why I was worried.
I woke up rather late. My parents left early in the morning to pondy. They were going off to get sloshed and catch up on all the gujjals that they missed out on all these years.
Yeah, right.
They went off to meet long time family friends. They are on their way back as i type.
Makes me wonder though. about long lasting marriages. Let me save it for another day.
As i was saying, I woke up late and searched online for something to engage me, something to wake me up, grab me by the shoulders and shake me up, something that would spur me into action.
Dear Fauzia, let me tell you something. The internet has little to offer in that direction. And I looked for you too. In some vain hope that I would find a reason to smile, to cheer, to hoot in joy.
Alas.
I then remembered it was Vgoo's budday. I called him up and wished him. We spoke for a while. His mum is visiting him so he has some company on his budday. He turns 26 today. He has clearly told his parents to leave the bride hunt to him. He isn't too hopeful though. He says he just bought himself a year or two to chill out.
I spoke the most. I told him about all the changes in my life - the new company and the story of its genesis, my current state of mind and the reason behind its sadness and so on. He listened patiently, inspite of it being his budday and all that.
"why the fuck didn't you call me before dude?", was all he said in the end.
I didn't have an answer to him. Honestly, I had forgotten all about him. He is my bestest friend in the whole wide world and I had forgotten to call him when i was going thru some tough shit. What is with that?!
I figured I had surrounded my entire life with only thoughts of work, and you know who. And in the process I had sacrificed my relationship with my BFF. Sigh. It is true, you know, that study that says you lose two of your closest friends when you get into a relationship.
Then I made noodles (yes, I am back to being noodle-face.) and had a lazy brunch, dragged myself reluctantly to the bath, got out and had lunch after a while and then headed out to for a meeting at office.
Vikram, from Hyd was interested in what we were doing and had come down all the way to meet us. We spoke at length about our new venture and he seemed very interested in working with us + investing in our program.
He had to leave by 5 to catch a train. We then went to adyar and discussed the possibilities. Somehow, the other two boys were a little threatened by his entry. I suppose his investment would mean lesser stake for everyone and even lesser control.
I left by about 7pm and came to meet buay. His mum had made idlis and i stuffed myself with 7 of those. (reminded me of how much you used to look forward to your sunday breakfast...Hot idlis with super sambar! do you still enjoy them as you used to, Fauzia?) We spoke for a bit while watching Mankatha special program on sun tv. I then dropped buay at the mambalam station. On the way I narrated the "Underwear" story. You remember how cutely he laughs? It felt nice to make him laugh so much as I told the story.
I drove back home.
Oh, I almost forgot. Sometime during the day I sent a budday card to Vgoo and while I was at it, I picked out some cards that I liked. What do you think?
Thats about it.
Hope you had a fun weekend.
I...
umm...
warm regards,
Suresh.
Is sunday treating you well, my love?
Last night at around 12-30 it started raining pretty heavily. I hope you were safely indoors and enjoying the rains from a distance. I couldn't sleep too well for a long time. The flashes of lightning and the whiplash of thunder kept me awake. I was worried for all those on the road, getting back home after saturday night's party. I was worried you might have got stuck in the rains like the last time. And most of all, i was worried about myself.
A brilliant flash of lightning showed a reflection of me cowering under my sheets, afraid of the wrath of nature, the fury of the winds. I realised I am not a strong person. I am not brave enough to tread new waters all by myself. I realised that I am not going to become the great person that I wish to be simply because I lack what it takes to get there. The conviction. And faith in myself. I don't have it.
In fact I think I am the kind of person who is very comfortable in his mediocrity. I am more than happy to be jealous of the gifted, more than satisfied in being "sour-grapes" about the risk takers.
And that puts me in a strange situation. Now that I have realised I don't like challenges, and I don't have faith in myself, I am not sure what I want to do with my life anymore. It has lost its charm.
I am going thru things with a sense of detachment, especially work, with a single minded purpose to keep myself occupied and ofcourse make some money in the process.
Thats what hit me last night in the rain. And thats why I was worried.
I woke up rather late. My parents left early in the morning to pondy. They were going off to get sloshed and catch up on all the gujjals that they missed out on all these years.
Yeah, right.
They went off to meet long time family friends. They are on their way back as i type.
Makes me wonder though. about long lasting marriages. Let me save it for another day.
As i was saying, I woke up late and searched online for something to engage me, something to wake me up, grab me by the shoulders and shake me up, something that would spur me into action.
Dear Fauzia, let me tell you something. The internet has little to offer in that direction. And I looked for you too. In some vain hope that I would find a reason to smile, to cheer, to hoot in joy.
Alas.
I then remembered it was Vgoo's budday. I called him up and wished him. We spoke for a while. His mum is visiting him so he has some company on his budday. He turns 26 today. He has clearly told his parents to leave the bride hunt to him. He isn't too hopeful though. He says he just bought himself a year or two to chill out.
I spoke the most. I told him about all the changes in my life - the new company and the story of its genesis, my current state of mind and the reason behind its sadness and so on. He listened patiently, inspite of it being his budday and all that.
"why the fuck didn't you call me before dude?", was all he said in the end.
I didn't have an answer to him. Honestly, I had forgotten all about him. He is my bestest friend in the whole wide world and I had forgotten to call him when i was going thru some tough shit. What is with that?!
I figured I had surrounded my entire life with only thoughts of work, and you know who. And in the process I had sacrificed my relationship with my BFF. Sigh. It is true, you know, that study that says you lose two of your closest friends when you get into a relationship.
Then I made noodles (yes, I am back to being noodle-face.) and had a lazy brunch, dragged myself reluctantly to the bath, got out and had lunch after a while and then headed out to for a meeting at office.
Vikram, from Hyd was interested in what we were doing and had come down all the way to meet us. We spoke at length about our new venture and he seemed very interested in working with us + investing in our program.
He had to leave by 5 to catch a train. We then went to adyar and discussed the possibilities. Somehow, the other two boys were a little threatened by his entry. I suppose his investment would mean lesser stake for everyone and even lesser control.
I left by about 7pm and came to meet buay. His mum had made idlis and i stuffed myself with 7 of those. (reminded me of how much you used to look forward to your sunday breakfast...Hot idlis with super sambar! do you still enjoy them as you used to, Fauzia?) We spoke for a bit while watching Mankatha special program on sun tv. I then dropped buay at the mambalam station. On the way I narrated the "Underwear" story. You remember how cutely he laughs? It felt nice to make him laugh so much as I told the story.
I drove back home.
Oh, I almost forgot. Sometime during the day I sent a budday card to Vgoo and while I was at it, I picked out some cards that I liked. What do you think?
Thats about it.
Hope you had a fun weekend.
I...
umm...
warm regards,
Suresh.
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