Its been a while. How was your weekend?
I left friday afternoon to bangalore. I reached by around 9 and we had dinner at ashwin's place. After that Buay and I left to his place. On the way I picked up half a bottle of Royal Stag and Pepsi.
Buay lives in this amazingly huge residential colony/apartment complex. There are supposedly 650 houses inside his complex. It was massive. It was overwhelming.
The first impressions of his house was very positive. Its a small single bedroom place. There is a hall and on the far right there is a kitchen and next to that the only bedroom. On the left of the hall is the loo. Thats all. It was a simple house.
We freshened up and i mixed my drink in the pepsi bottle and we stepped out for a walk around the apartment. Thats when It actually hit me how big it was.
We got back and settled down in his bedroom. There are no furniture in his house. The hall is empty except for the tv and its stand. (which btw doesn't work because he has no cable connection) The kitchen is okay. he has a stove and a hot plate and everything but he rarely uses his kitchen. The bedroom has a cupboard on one side and the other wall is a window that opens out to a lovely view of the apartment complex. His bedroom has just one bed and a charpoy.
We watched Dr.Strangelove. Have you seen it? Pls do whenever you get the chance. Its super.
We woke up early next day. And we had absolutely nothing to do. So I got drunk again. By about 9-30am I was drunk dialing people asking them to tell me where I can go score in blore. I even called Sathya in the US. lol.
We lazed around and went for a late lunch to Bhagini & had andhra meals. This is a strange story. Apparently I had been to that place once before with Ashwin & buay for lunch and I had absolutely no recollection of that. No memory at all. I kept arguing with buay and we even called up Ashwin to confirm. He said we had been there once.
Why don't I remember anything then?
Came back home and slept. Ashwin came and woke us up later. Then their colleagues joined us. We then played cards. At 8-30 we left for Kurt's budday party.
Kurt is their colleague. Genial guy from a very sweet family. We were joined later by his friends. 30 something fun loving bunch of boys. We were drinking there from 9pm to 4am. We cut cake at 12 and even gave Kurt budday bumps.
Next morning we woke up very late. I had a long bath to get rid of my hangover and then buay and I headed to Taco Bell for lunch. Its at the Sony World junction at Kormangala.
Taco Bell is worth a try. We got out and then i dragged buay to the toy store across the road.
I got in and my eyes welled up and I had to struggle to keep the tears at bay.
Whereas buay was so mesmerised by the remote control cars they had. A million thoughts ran thru my head. Of how you would have loved it there and how we would have spent a few hours happily in there, longingly looking at all the toys and reminiscing. I thought of all the toys I have had and all those I so badly wanted but never got my hands on... I thought of all the things I had missed out in my childhood and before I could start feeling bad about it, i remembered this small "tankie" thats there in my Golu set.
That tankie was my dad's priced possession. I don't think my dad had any other toy other than this tankie. Its a small brown colored one where the barrel moves back and forth as the tank moves forward. And it is still there in his possession. I suddenly felt very sad. I felt sad for all that my dad missed out on and all the sacrifices he had to make to provide for his family, to provide for me. I remembered my mum telling me long back when I was much younger that my dad's family was very poor and they had a lot of stomachs to feed and that my dad has gone without food on many days. I remembered my mum telling me how he walked long miles to college and his only possession were three sets of white dhoti and shirts. I remembered my mum telling me that he studied on a govt loan and that he repaid it within two years of finishing college. I remembered how he gave up his dream of becoming an artist to support his brothers and sisters. I remembered how my dad and mum decided after great deliberation to abort their second child because they thought that I was more important and that they may not be able to provide for another son or daughter. I remember my mum telling me how after this heartbreaking decision my dad decided to get a Vasectomy.
We then got out and got into Chroma. I looked around without any interest at some of the latest gadgets - awesome smartphones, uber cool laptops and all-in-one desktops.
I was in this blah mood for a while. Then buay decided to take me to Total Mall near his place. Thats a super massive shopping center. Its really huge. Like half a km in length and four floors. We roamed around there for a while.
I imagined furnishing buay's place and making it my own. I saw this very nice cot and table set which i thought would suit his place very well. I picked out matching bedsheets and curtains. I imagined getting married to you, moving into that place, decorating it with all our wedding gifts, both of us working in bangalore; I imagined coming back home early and making a surprise dinner for you of dosa and fish curry. And once it became dark, we would go for a quiet walk around the apartment, holding hands, and talking about our day and speculating what the people in the other apartments were upto...
I imagined coming back home and cuddling up with you in our two seater couch and watching a movie till you dozed off.
And I imagined all of this and I became very jealous of buay. I wished I could swap places with him. Oh I forgot to tell you, our man is slowly falling in love. Its very cute. And the girl is already in love with him. They are both up late messaging each other, getting to know each other. Its very heartwarming you know. Something similar is happening with ashwin too. Except I didn't get to see it at close quarters. You know how buay has this very cute smile that makes him look like he knows a secret that nobody else does? Well, if you saw him now, thats what he would look like. :-)
We roamed around Total Mall and shopped for some vegetables and fruits and I missed you terribly. I felt this sudden urge to bring you to bangalore and take you to this mall.
We got out and got back home. There was a bottle of Vat 69 that we had bought the previous day and having nothing better to do, I got drunk.
And I spoke a lot. I spoke a lot to buay as we drove from home to his office to get print out of my tickets and then to dinner at Panjabi Tadka and back home. I spoke all this while about my life. I told him about my plans for the next to years, the new company and my hopes and dreams for it. I told him about my depression and I told him why this is the most difficult phase of my life so far and I told him about you and me.
We then changed topics and continued talking about random things until we dozed off.
We got up in the morning, and he dropped me at the station and I got the train and got back home today.
It broke my heart to see that I have been removed from your blogroll and that you are going to stop writing to me. I understand that you want to move on. I respect that.
But I think I will keep writing. I am writing for you. And I am writing for myself. Somedays it's for me and somedays its for you. I want to hold on to this for dear life. It may not do me much good. But I want to do it because it matters to me. Because it is important for me. Simply because I want to do it.
I want to remember this phase of my life. I want to record all my thoughts. I want to be able to read all of this some day and remember how much I cared about someone in my life. For all I know, I may not care so much again about anybody else. My memory is bad but I want to record as much of it as i can before I forget and before life takes over and before time heals all wounds.
Thats why I want to keep writing.
take care. I hope you are alright. I hope you are having a good time otherwise.
love, hugs and kisses
Suresh.
I left friday afternoon to bangalore. I reached by around 9 and we had dinner at ashwin's place. After that Buay and I left to his place. On the way I picked up half a bottle of Royal Stag and Pepsi.
Buay lives in this amazingly huge residential colony/apartment complex. There are supposedly 650 houses inside his complex. It was massive. It was overwhelming.
The first impressions of his house was very positive. Its a small single bedroom place. There is a hall and on the far right there is a kitchen and next to that the only bedroom. On the left of the hall is the loo. Thats all. It was a simple house.
We freshened up and i mixed my drink in the pepsi bottle and we stepped out for a walk around the apartment. Thats when It actually hit me how big it was.
We got back and settled down in his bedroom. There are no furniture in his house. The hall is empty except for the tv and its stand. (which btw doesn't work because he has no cable connection) The kitchen is okay. he has a stove and a hot plate and everything but he rarely uses his kitchen. The bedroom has a cupboard on one side and the other wall is a window that opens out to a lovely view of the apartment complex. His bedroom has just one bed and a charpoy.
We watched Dr.Strangelove. Have you seen it? Pls do whenever you get the chance. Its super.
We woke up early next day. And we had absolutely nothing to do. So I got drunk again. By about 9-30am I was drunk dialing people asking them to tell me where I can go score in blore. I even called Sathya in the US. lol.
We lazed around and went for a late lunch to Bhagini & had andhra meals. This is a strange story. Apparently I had been to that place once before with Ashwin & buay for lunch and I had absolutely no recollection of that. No memory at all. I kept arguing with buay and we even called up Ashwin to confirm. He said we had been there once.
Why don't I remember anything then?
Came back home and slept. Ashwin came and woke us up later. Then their colleagues joined us. We then played cards. At 8-30 we left for Kurt's budday party.
Kurt is their colleague. Genial guy from a very sweet family. We were joined later by his friends. 30 something fun loving bunch of boys. We were drinking there from 9pm to 4am. We cut cake at 12 and even gave Kurt budday bumps.
Next morning we woke up very late. I had a long bath to get rid of my hangover and then buay and I headed to Taco Bell for lunch. Its at the Sony World junction at Kormangala.
Taco Bell is worth a try. We got out and then i dragged buay to the toy store across the road.
I got in and my eyes welled up and I had to struggle to keep the tears at bay.
Whereas buay was so mesmerised by the remote control cars they had. A million thoughts ran thru my head. Of how you would have loved it there and how we would have spent a few hours happily in there, longingly looking at all the toys and reminiscing. I thought of all the toys I have had and all those I so badly wanted but never got my hands on... I thought of all the things I had missed out in my childhood and before I could start feeling bad about it, i remembered this small "tankie" thats there in my Golu set.
That tankie was my dad's priced possession. I don't think my dad had any other toy other than this tankie. Its a small brown colored one where the barrel moves back and forth as the tank moves forward. And it is still there in his possession. I suddenly felt very sad. I felt sad for all that my dad missed out on and all the sacrifices he had to make to provide for his family, to provide for me. I remembered my mum telling me long back when I was much younger that my dad's family was very poor and they had a lot of stomachs to feed and that my dad has gone without food on many days. I remembered my mum telling me how he walked long miles to college and his only possession were three sets of white dhoti and shirts. I remembered my mum telling me that he studied on a govt loan and that he repaid it within two years of finishing college. I remembered how he gave up his dream of becoming an artist to support his brothers and sisters. I remembered how my dad and mum decided after great deliberation to abort their second child because they thought that I was more important and that they may not be able to provide for another son or daughter. I remember my mum telling me how after this heartbreaking decision my dad decided to get a Vasectomy.
We then got out and got into Chroma. I looked around without any interest at some of the latest gadgets - awesome smartphones, uber cool laptops and all-in-one desktops.
I was in this blah mood for a while. Then buay decided to take me to Total Mall near his place. Thats a super massive shopping center. Its really huge. Like half a km in length and four floors. We roamed around there for a while.
I imagined furnishing buay's place and making it my own. I saw this very nice cot and table set which i thought would suit his place very well. I picked out matching bedsheets and curtains. I imagined getting married to you, moving into that place, decorating it with all our wedding gifts, both of us working in bangalore; I imagined coming back home early and making a surprise dinner for you of dosa and fish curry. And once it became dark, we would go for a quiet walk around the apartment, holding hands, and talking about our day and speculating what the people in the other apartments were upto...
I imagined coming back home and cuddling up with you in our two seater couch and watching a movie till you dozed off.
And I imagined all of this and I became very jealous of buay. I wished I could swap places with him. Oh I forgot to tell you, our man is slowly falling in love. Its very cute. And the girl is already in love with him. They are both up late messaging each other, getting to know each other. Its very heartwarming you know. Something similar is happening with ashwin too. Except I didn't get to see it at close quarters. You know how buay has this very cute smile that makes him look like he knows a secret that nobody else does? Well, if you saw him now, thats what he would look like. :-)
We roamed around Total Mall and shopped for some vegetables and fruits and I missed you terribly. I felt this sudden urge to bring you to bangalore and take you to this mall.
We got out and got back home. There was a bottle of Vat 69 that we had bought the previous day and having nothing better to do, I got drunk.
And I spoke a lot. I spoke a lot to buay as we drove from home to his office to get print out of my tickets and then to dinner at Panjabi Tadka and back home. I spoke all this while about my life. I told him about my plans for the next to years, the new company and my hopes and dreams for it. I told him about my depression and I told him why this is the most difficult phase of my life so far and I told him about you and me.
We then changed topics and continued talking about random things until we dozed off.
We got up in the morning, and he dropped me at the station and I got the train and got back home today.
It broke my heart to see that I have been removed from your blogroll and that you are going to stop writing to me. I understand that you want to move on. I respect that.
But I think I will keep writing. I am writing for you. And I am writing for myself. Somedays it's for me and somedays its for you. I want to hold on to this for dear life. It may not do me much good. But I want to do it because it matters to me. Because it is important for me. Simply because I want to do it.
I want to remember this phase of my life. I want to record all my thoughts. I want to be able to read all of this some day and remember how much I cared about someone in my life. For all I know, I may not care so much again about anybody else. My memory is bad but I want to record as much of it as i can before I forget and before life takes over and before time heals all wounds.
Thats why I want to keep writing.
take care. I hope you are alright. I hope you are having a good time otherwise.
love, hugs and kisses
Suresh.
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