strange insights

Our insecurities tell us a lot about who we really are.
I am always insecure about money.
I can never figure it out.

Sometimes I have lots of it and i throw it away.
Other times I have little which I put away for a rainy day.
Mostly I have none and I feel really light, and happy.

Right now, I have none.
But I am worried.

Because there are a whole lot of people dependent on me, today.
Expecting me to deliver.
To perform.
To bring in the loot.


My family.
My team.
Their family.
And all those who have projected their aspirations onto ours.

It is a strange sense of fear, mixed with a strong sense of longing.

Longing to go back to simpler times.
afraid those don't exist.
Longing to go forward to happier days.
afraid those are far away.

Just being
right here,
right now
is exhilarating.

I realise,
it is a lonely climb upwards.
Because baggage can get heavy.
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I am going to run.
Every day.

It seems like the closest one gets to understanding
the predicament.

The pointlessness of the exercise
is enough to fill a man's heart.

I
will
die
a
happy
death.