pi day

Vgoo asked me to mark this day as special.

A day things changed.

And that we will discuss it ten years later.

So I've made a post.

bas ab bahut ho gaya.

When will people realize that although it is advisable to have people around you it is ridiculous to base your entire existence on just one person and his or her activities?

On a related note, when will I realize the same?

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I am still searching for my boulder.

Wish me luck.

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I had this dream the other day not long ago where I was involved in a chase/quest where I am running thru long narrow lanes with my middle school math teacher. I woke up and realized that I'd been in love with her back then. (I remember sort of proposing to her in my dream.)

I hope to god she is still single and waiting for me.

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I figured what I want in life - that I earn enough money and that before it all comes to an end I can buy that device that lets me be you.

I am hoping one of you geeks out there come up with it soon enough and the other one discovers a way to market it so that I can buy it cheap.

Now!

In the world of our imagination time has no linear relevance; there is no past, no future, only now.

- Alan Resnais

(as paraphrased

by Syd Field

in Going to the Movies)

He just nailed it.

That day, it rained on me.

Its a cloudy saturday morning. The steam from the coffee cup transforms into a visible swirl that wafts past the weekend paper. Sentiment seeps in from the software as seventies' soul stirrers. The mood is set. It is light at the top and heavy around the heart. The drops come, first silently and then the tip-tip-tup-tup join in one by one. The Earth parts its parched lips to play with the pitter patter and thru the crack yesterday's sins escape for freedom; nudging past the nose, inducing nostalgia.
A thin sheet of silence descends on everything. Things slow down. The legs go up. light fades out. Images from the past swell and explode into emptiness around. Rewind.

I vividly remember the cyclone of 92 (or was it 93? the year doesn't matter.) I lived in Chidambaram then. The power lines were cut and stayed that way for a week. I remember it being dark everywhere. I also remember a candle lit dinner. We were sitting on the floor, dad, his friend and I, and mum was hovering over us making sure we had our heart's fill.

It was the summer of 95 and I remember the rains. My first year in Chennai. We used to live at Gangai Amman Koil st, Vannanthurai, a tenant of the Murthy's. I remember standing in my balcony on the first floor and watching the rains fill up the empty undeveloped land in front of the house. I watched my paper boats float, dance and sink unceremoniously. The din of frogs and insects ring in my ears now.

I witnessed (without realisation) gopalapuram playground becoming a metaphor for love year after year when its red earth transformed into slush. Hours of running around, getting dirty, growing up...

I remember the 2002 rains, my father and I waded thru waist deep waters on G.N.Chetty road. I remember taking directions from an old lady who helped us get home by cutting across Ramaniyam Arudhra, an apartment opposite Nadigar Sangam. Little did I know that four years later I would meet people at that very same apartment who would have a lasting influence in my life.

It gets a little hazy after this.

I remember msging "It's raining Nittilai! It's raining!" not very long ago.

I remember a fantastic bike ride with BC on Mount road in the middle of the night. We were drenched by the time we reached Indira Nagar.

I vaguely remember making love when it was raining outside. Or maybe I am making this up.

I remember the excitement with every "Its raaaaaayning Its raaaayning!" that I exchanged over the phone.

I remember November-December 2009. It was dark and cozy and it rained every other day as I stood in my balcony getting high.

Most of all, I remember the lonely bus rides in the rain.

And it hit me as I was typing this out. We strongly believe our monsoon moments are special. We share the happiness and excitement with special people. We spend the melancholic ones in isolation, deep contemplation. With coffee and cigarettes, and comics too. We cherish these memories, keep them close to our hearts, Relive them with a distant gaze in our eyes.

But the sun comes out eventually. And I realise that the moment is gone. I cant hold on to the rains forever.

The rains dont belong to me. They never will.

Revisiting Bukowski

there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often
when you do
it's too late
and there's nothing worse
than
too late.

I've been thinking a lot about this piece. It comes to me at all odd hours and I'm left wondering why it's stuck in my head. I suppose it is getting late. I better get going.

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And here's a little insight. It's as obvious as the nose on my face. He likes you. And sometime you'll realize you like him too. So do something before Charles starts singing in your head.

Albert

I'm gonna get this printed and have it mounted and keep it on my desk. Or if you are one of those nice people with a great handwriting or mastery in Calligraphy you should write this out in a big font or maybe paint it and gift it to me. I'll get it framed and have it hang on my wall.

"The struggle itself...is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

Jay see

Joseph Campbell, the dude who wrote The Hero with a Thousand Faces, he's a super cool fella in my books. I remember reading THWTF long ago (I managed to finish only a third of it. Songi lkb took it back from me! I'm still waiting for my copy. Bring it when you come in August) and this part right at the beginning has stayed with me. Campbell, a hardcore Freudian (Jungian too, actually), makes a lot of connections between myths and dreams and Freud's theories. He mentions this episode where some tribal people before the ritual circumcision tell the boy that "The Great Snake smells your foreskin; he is calling for it." and obviously the boy freaks out and goes to his Mum for protection. And then he mentions this other episode from one of Jung's patients. Apparently that fello had a dream where a snake shot out of a cave and chewed off his genitals. And Jung adds that this "occurred at the moment when the patient was convinced of the truth of the analysis and was beginning to free himself from the bonds of his mother-complex."

Now let me give you the context before I went to sleep. Ghana and Uruguay were tied 1-1 at the end of first extra time. I was praying Ghana would make it to the semis. I fell asleep almost instantly. I'd had a heavy dinner of vatha kozhambu and rice and curd and beetroot kootu.

And then the two part dream happened.

PART ONE - The NCC certificate.

I'm at this school NCC party. I'm 14 years old. The place resembles a temple corridor. The food is kept at various locations around the shrine (I never get to see what is in the shrine) and we are all going around with a plate in hand, it's a free for all, so there is chaos and confusion and everyone's pretty excited. But I am nervous. I'm on the lookout for Suri (Suryanarayanan, Science teacher and NCC head in school). I don't find him. So I muster up courage and enter his office room to try and flick a certificate. (I dunno why I'm doing that. It looks like I've not cleared the necessary requirements to earn it the right way) And as I am looking thru the room, the party seems to have come to an end and there are no ppl around. And Suri walks in and I get caught. He doesn't immediately punish me. He talks to me for a while, trying to figure out what I'm doing there etc. And the rest is a little hazy. But I remember feeling super guilty. And something about doing the right thing.

PART TWO - Three Vaginas.

I forget how the transition happened, but I'm in this room with two fantastic women. They are thirsting for my touch. And I'm salivating. They look young, eighteenish, and the place looks like a hostel room. And while I'm making up my mind who to get it on with, they start disrobing. I'm all nervous and excited. And with the encouragement of girl one I'm ready to enter girl two.

Enters this middle aged woman. She looks like the guardian/warden of the two girls. And they freeze on seeing her. She is looking at us strangely, trying to figure out what's going on. She starts to say something angrily, but she is also curiously fascinated by the proceedings. She comes closer, and some conversation happens and she's lying down in front of me and she raises her skirt. And there is this huge protruding thing that resembles a chewed up tree branch. It is green and brown and pink and looks something like a dried up clitoris. And I slowly pull aside the transparent piece of cloth on top of it and start licking it. And then I chew it. And I can see that the two fantastic girls have lied down on either side of this woman in the same position - legs spread apart, crotch raised for easy access. And my hands reach out.

I wake up hearing the alarm go off.

I spent the next hour in bed trying to figure out and interpret these dreams. I seldom remember my dreams but these two were vivid, almost conscious.

I thought the first one meant that I was looking for some discipline in life, some order. I figure NCC represents that. And Suri and guilt probably mean I need to face things and maybe look for a guru.

But the second part totally beats me! I mean why on earth would I be chewing on an old hag when I had these two lovely girls next to me?

An hour later I found out that Ghana had been cheated out of the world cup. Very disappointed.

More than anything else

the thing I hate the most

is feeling

left out.

That's what she said!

I never liked you
This is why I don't even think about you, this is why I'm not sad that we're done.

I hate the smell of your skin, I hate your lips, your tongue, your eyes. I hate your hair. I hate, oh my god, I hate your voice so much. I hate your attitude. The only good thing about you-your smile, and your touch. Both became overrated. I can't even stand you right now.



I had this urge to write something personal and serious. So I opened blogger and started typing something and then deleted it and then something and deleted it and then killed some more time like that. I gave up trying and opened my blog and was mindlessly reading what I'd written in recent times. Thoughtlessly I selected the title of the blog, right clicked, selected "search google for 'I never liked you'" and narrowed the search results to blogs. On the second page I found the piece I've copy pasted above. It's by Kate Romanova, a 20 something girl whose blogger profile states that her current location is Toronto, Canada. Go check out her blog http://kateromanova.blogspot.com She writes short, straightforward diary entry posts mostly about her life and friends and boys. The one above was posted on May 17th 2010.

Hahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahaahahahahahahahah! The minute I read the post above I burst out laughing! I can't stop sniggering even now. That post just made my day!
LOL. You just have to see this from my point of view! You'll be rolling on the floor laughing. And to think just two minutes before I read that post of hers I was feeling all sad and lonely and depressed. LOL! Thank You, Kate. Keep writing!
PS: If you are Kate Romanova, I'd be glad to explain thru a long detailed mail as to what your post is doing in my blog. Others, go figure.
PPS: For those of you who didn't find it funny enough, pls go watch all the "That's what she said!" moments from The Office put together in this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-wf2pP7T0Y

Holy Cow!

There are two of them. Yes, two.

I saw them today. I've not seen the second guy before. Looks like a new ally.

He was keeping watch.

My pulse raced. I'd not felt this way since the first time I saw him. Or that night when I was high and I keep looking out of my window and nothing happened. I was excited that day. The anticipation of witnessing a peculiar, never-before-witnessed event was surging thru the veins. I could feel it in my groin.

I can feel it now.

This just graduated to the next level.

From a "get the fuck outta here!" bar anecdote to a "That is so disturbing, it'll make a freakin amazing movie!" story.

It will be made.

And you'll get to see it too.

Regret

I could've had it all. And I screwed up.

Billy: We did it, man. We did it, we did it. We're rich, man. We're retirin' in Florida now, mister.
Wyatt: You know Billy, we blew it.

-Easy Rider (1969)

PMS

So everyone who's come online in the last two days has seen this trashy rehash I guess.

If you were a little confused at the end as to what you are supposed to feel, I suggest you go read Krish Ashok or Vatsap rip on it.

I had a few misgivings.

1) Where's the Mile in Mile Sur Mera Tumhara?? I didn't see anyone mingle with anyone in this sorry ass jingle! They all came, hammed their bit and left.

2) Where is the hair-raising-goosebumps-giving ending of the original???

3) Where are the Cricketers?

4) What's with the water obsession? Why is everyone standing near or on some water body or other?

5) 16 minutes and not a single shot of a train! - EPIC FAIL.

Phir Mile Sur aka PMS. That should sum it up for you.

They should probably retract the video and apologize to everyone for this colossal waste.