In search of...

We start writing in the hope that we are going to create something epic, plunge headlong into the plot, protagonist, the characters surrounding them - mother, estranged dad, baby brother, best friends, acquaintances, and so on
But
It falls short.
Disappoints.
The epic in your head falls short,
The pic in your phone turns ugly,
The story so far is beautiful,
But uninspiring,
It gets over too soon,
Simply
The end.

And the fishing begins again.

Fun, partly.
Tiring, mostly.

Faith.
Hope.
Love.

The next big epic awaits us.

Season of Change.

I am feeling warm & cozy.
I am feeling loved & happy.


Although it has been my trend, 
to signpost the onset of a new romance
and stop writing after that
because the spoken word sounds sweeter 
has a loving ear
and its effect immediate,
I think it would be a good idea
to document 
the good times
for future reference. 


Dear readers, stalkers, ex-lovers, current ones, curious boys from around the world, 
and you,


please to continue patronage.
I shall reappear in an old hang out, 
in new clothing, 
and dish out
happy sappy 
pappy nappy
sloppy poppy
posts 
about

new romance,

love songs,
misty walks,
holding hands,
corny lines,
and
happy times.


Not here.
There.
Ok?




PS: I never liked you. :-)

I will write soon

About the year that was 2011, about the weddings i attended, about this new book I am reading which I am already in love with and can't stop thinking about or for that matter talking about, about Aakash, certainly about the new company and my wonderful team.

Mr.KR said that I am a simple fellow and a man of action. And I hated him for labling me that way. But in the end it is impossible not to become what people believe you are, and the more I think about it, the more I seem to realise that I do believe in and want simple things in life, and that I prefer actions to words.

Hmmm...

I will write soon.

My dad is Zen

I have spent a lot of time trying to read about being Zen and detachment and all that jazz. 
http://zenhabits.net/zen-attachment/ that article has been open in one of my tabs since August.
Always open.
I glance at it everyday just to see if any of it makes sense, to see if I can be Zen too by practicing some of the things it talks about. Do read it sometime. It is thought provoking. 


And the more i read it the more i realise that it takes a lot of effort to be Zen. Some of it sounds brilliant on paper but nearly impossible to implement in real life. And the more I read it the more I realise I have someone around me who practices it on a daily basis without giving a damn about the difference between the philosophy and the car. 
My dad is Zen.


He is! I kid you not. 
He is totally Zen.
And the best part is
he doesn't know it. 


I can't believe I am actually going to type the last sentence of this blog. I have spent hours, days and years vehemently fighting it, protesting, kicking and screaming against the very notion. I have debated long and hard (don't go thats what she said on me now, I am actually typing something very serious! Oh god, I can't help it. That's what she said!!!) with people around about parent child relationships and how they have such a great influence in our lives and all that. I have struggled to accept the fact that my parents have shaped my life in more ways than I would like to accept in public. But then that was before, when I was a rebellious, hot blooded, testosterone influenced youngster, who had to take the other side just for the heck of it, who had to argue because I liked a good debate, and went so far as to believe in the sides I took even though I sometimes realised that I wasn't always right. Now, I am older, with a slightly broader perspective on life, having encountered my share of deaths and defeats and defenselessness. 
Okay here I go, and I will never be able to say it out loud, never be able to admit this to anyone anywhere inebriated or otherwise, never admit in court or elsewhere that it was me who typed this out, in my senses, in a state of mind that would be considered normal by society standards. 




 
I wish I could be like my dad. 

This is the end, This is the beginning.

...I like you. I want to date you. I am attracted to you. I think yo are a beautiful person. I want to be with you. I want to make love to you. I want to be able to possess you and belong to you. I want to hold hands with you and walk miles. I want to cuddle up with you and watch corny movies.
I want to have endless conversations with you. I want to look you in the eye, say I love you and mean it. I want all of that. Now now. Not today. In due course of time. 

The dance

He
Takes a deep breath,
Unfurls his wonderful plumage,
Showcases his full splendour,
Jumps around on his two scrawny legs,
Weaves strange mesmerizing patterns,
Not stopping till he finds a mate.




The hunt has begun. 

Diminished to an Excuse

How did this happen?


You were a living breathing soul, 
full of yearnings, 
and unfulfilled desires,
with wants and dreams
both mundane and fantastic.
Never missed your serials, 
Always made everyone comfortable, 
Forever concerned about 
everyone's well being.
Curious like a child,
wanted to know everything
that happened around you. 


And just like that
you shrank within yourself
pushed out the dreams
shooed away the desires
severed connections
breathed your last
turned into ashes
disappeared 
into the raging waters, 
diminished to an excuse.



A feast every day in your name
Pavakka pitla, Kathrikka kootu, vazhaikka podimas, paal payasam
Poshnikka sambar, beans poriyal, chowchow kootu, semiya paysam
mor kozhambu, koas poriyal, vellai pooshnikka kootu, kadala pradhaman
vendakka pitla, many vegetable poriyal, porichakootu, kesari
capsicum sambar, urulai curry, aviyal, rice payasam.

"Sorry, I couldn't meet you last week, my paati passed away so I had to be at home"

How did this happen?